She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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