i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
