we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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