Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
