Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
