I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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