I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
