I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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