I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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