JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
