people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
