I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
