3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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