He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
