we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
