after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
