The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
