Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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