I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
