I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
