I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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