Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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