Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
