Your mouth is God's brothel.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
