Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it glows. i had to have it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
