Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
