you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
