I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
