I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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