dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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