I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
