i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
