i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
