well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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