do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
