is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
