it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
