I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
