apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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