mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
where am i from again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
