my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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