Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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