My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
