you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
