i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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