Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
