I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
