I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
