yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
