I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
