i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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