pedialite and red bull = repair kit
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
