If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
