Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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