hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
