I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
